I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you bring me the toilet please
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
