Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
