Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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