I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
