a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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