i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Randomize
