I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
