Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
