I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
