remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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