I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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