i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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