I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
