fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
