Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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