12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
