This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
