i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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