Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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