I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
