She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there is puke in my bra ... again
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