i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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