Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
