thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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