yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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