So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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