i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
