who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
