so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
