UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
