god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You made out with two different species that night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
