what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
