the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
