I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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