I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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