I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
