My hand turned me down
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
