**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
