If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
