Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
