dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
