i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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