I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
