people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
