hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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