new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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