why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
