walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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