I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
