I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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