i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
