I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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