4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
