her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've blown a few things in my day
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
