Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
