I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
