i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
